abhishake das

मकड़ी का जाला

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मकड़ी का एक जाला
लटका हुआ सा दिखा 
उसमे अटकी हुई एक ज़िन्दगी भी  
और दिखी भूख 
जीने की 
दोनों तरफ
आज फिर एक जाला देखा
लटका हुआ खुद को पाया 
और तुम मिले वहीँ नज़दीक 
ज़ाले में लिपटे हुए डरे
हमने भी डर कर थमा दिया 
एक टूटा पंख उम्मीदों का   
और फिर साल गुज़रा 
अब भी वो मकड़ी का जाला 
सालों से अब तो 
लटक रहा है छज्जे से 
और हम लटके हैं 
लिपटे अपने जालों में 
लिपटाये उन जालों को 
सांस दबा के बैठे हैं 
आज मिला एक लटका जाला

 

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Hope, is for the weaker kind.

What will you give me
That i dont already have
In the crevices of daydreams
Stuck on the edges of my heart

What will you show me
That my mind hasnt already seen
No the salty havent washed them away
I only see them more frequently now

Where will you fit another challenge
That hasnt already given me a medal
Maybe some are black & blue
But i look at them everyday with pride

How will you bend me out of shape
There is no more room to dent
It’s the fire in my belly, you see
Makes my shape amber

When will you show me a new way
I’m everywhere you ever went
Im not lost, dont confuse yourself
I am already on the way to me

What is there but for me to rejoice
The planet that lives my soul
I am the god of my own journey
And i own every path that leads to it

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Most of the exciting stories in my life begins with ‘when I was a kid’, and justifiably so. Nostalgia is a powerful emotion, add to it a bit of genuine innocent curiosity, and what you have is a heady mix of a drug called childhood. Though my kinder years were not silver-laced to say the least, I somehow found some beautiful corners, within me. Through sun-soaked afternoons in a small town, through volumes of books and inspiration from the boob tube. Yes, mine were the happy days. Because happiness came from within me, I didn’t need people or material things to make myself happy. Just some white paper, a 6B graphite pencil, and some comic books did the trick. Rest was taken care of by the fact that there was nothing to distract me, no TV at all times, no computers, no gadgets and definitely no social media. My social life started at school, paused in the afternoon, and started back at the playground around the evening. In between, there was just me hunched over the latest edition of Reader’s Digest. We all did something to keep us busy back then, some slept, some read and others scratched their heads trying to invent a water heater with nothing more than some chicken wire, a metal blade and a slab of wood. There was no alcohol, no weed or the Internet. My friends knew ‘How I was feeling’, not based on a status message shared to the world as a plea of help, but by who answered the landline when they called. Our blogs were mental notes; maybe that is why we still remember so much of it, even after this long. Or maybe, because we had enough mind-space to spare for things around us, we could hold the attention when someone was telling us long irrelevant details of the day. There was an opportunity to spend time with yourself, which we don’t anymore. Now we just have too many things to distract us from ourselves. Maybe it is our inherent desire to be in denial, or stay on the surface, but whatever the reasons be, we are rolling with it.

We don’t seem to peep over our walls anymore. We sit, and we let the walls around us grow higher, making us inapproachable. We have found solace in anonymity. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for personal space and individual choices. But that is not the reason. It’s not that we have grown more self-aware, or have asked more questions. We have simply turned down the blinds, and closed ourselves up.

 

The science of doing it NOW!

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Who wins in this life? I mean, who really? Is the person who has never seen loss, of life, limb or love considered to be a success story in this material world? Or the person who has faced the most amount of atrocities life can put them through and still managed to keep their head above the water?

Why is it that we are always in two minds about everything? Should we blame it on the dual nature of our being, the divide between emotional and rational? Is that the only reason that we are always one step away from procrastination? And is procrastination that bad a thing? Unless it turns into an endless spiral going nowhere, leading you nowhere either. We should sit and think everything through, I agree, but there should be an in-build alarm that sets off, a deadline, and the guts to go through with whatever we think we should go through. Life cannot be spent thinking over things, life should be spent doing them. So why is that we don’t? Why is there no alarm, a deadline set, or a time period to our thinking? Why is that we never know when to step on the brakes, and when to floor the pedal? Why is it that we find such joy in procrastinating? Is it the fact that we think things will sort themselves out, or that we will be pushed in the general direction of where we should go by the turn of events as and when they unfold? And does the universe really work like that? And what about the universe? Why does it communicate only in cryptic messages? Why isn’t there a glowing red arrow to tell us where the next stop will be? Why does it not show us clear signs as to what we are supposed to do? Is it there to help us find our way, or to confuse the living shit out of us? And if life is made of the choices we make at any given point of time, then isn’t every mistake an eventuality, and a design of the universe? Because whatever the higher power is trying to do, if there is a higher power that is, is clearly not working out for a lot of people. Sheep don’t need the steering wheel; they need someone to guide them through the valley of darkness. And we are nothing if not sheep. We follow, we don’t lead, we imitate others because we feel their lives are more ‘successful’ than ours. And we live in herds so that we stay safe and render an identity from the collective voice. Then why is the universe trying to empower us by giving us choices, we are clearly inept at decoding them, leave alone understanding them. We are not ready to be empowered, to make our own decisions and walk our own path. We are too scared, of the path ahead; we are too sceptical of our own calls in life and we are too distracted to make sense of an abstract sign from the ever so powerful and knowledgeable energies of the universe. We should be held by our hands, and be lead to our destinations, we will do well just by surviving the journey, leave alone understanding it. Or, we should have clear epiphanies, as to how our life will be if we took a decision. About life, love, career, health, relationships, responsibilities etc. We should be given a manual as to how this life will work, and a choice of whether or not we want to be in it. Every child should get one at the age of 10, and asked to decide. Because, it is not the child’s fault that the parents chose to bring their seed into this world. The offspring should have a choice, a say as to whether it wants to really face the consequences of a choice that the parents made. It’s only fair, isn’t it? Otherwise, all that children are left with are the insecurities that they inherited from the parents and their choice of society, and then the repercussions of their calls in life based on those baggages.

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This is what gives birth to procrastination, the inability to live a life that wasn’t our own choice to begin with, and dealing with the results of choices made based on fears, borrowed knowledge and social pressures. No wonder we cant make a bloody decision ever, and be sure about it till later, because we really don’t have much authority on own lives. We are all victims of rational and irrational fears that are handed over to us by our families, society and templated education. Like sheep we follow our parents, sit in classrooms, hang out with peers and then fit into our own respective social atmospheres. We don’t want freedom, we don’t need freedom, what we need is a fixed set of guidelines that tells us what to do, so that we don’t use our brains to think otherwise. Because, we are clearly not getting anywhere with it anyways.

Either that, or we ask ourselves, how long will I keep doing rounds, how long will I keep it on hold and how do I know that it’s not getting too late? Because like everything else, life and it’s events also come with an expiry date.